I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
