I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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