is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
