I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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