Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
