Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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