Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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