I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize