I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
