Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
