I'm so fucking centered right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
