I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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