you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
