i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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