Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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