Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
