this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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