okay pat passed out under dana's car
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
