9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
