Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
