It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
