You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
