i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize