you would pick up someone in the library
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
