They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
