i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So vagazzling was a success
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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