my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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