Michael Bay diarrhea
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
