also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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