I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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