I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
