You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
