Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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