Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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