I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
