i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
