you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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