like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
