what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
