Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
there is glitter all over my balls
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