Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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