i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize