i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
