I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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