just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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