I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
