I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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