well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
