The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
