I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
