I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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