Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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