tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize