I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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