you traded sex for a burrito?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
