It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
