thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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