hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
