i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
