My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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