just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
