Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
