ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she peed on how many people?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
