im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
