Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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