so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
