i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we're so committed to being not committed
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
