Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
