I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
