She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
