i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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