I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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