Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
